Negative Commandment 355 (Digest)
Out of Wedlock Intimacy
"There shall be no indecent women among the daughters of Israel"—Deuteronomy 23:18.
It is forbidden for a man and woman to be intimate unless married to each other.
Unabridged English Text of this Mitzvah »
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> The 355th prohibition is that we are forbidden from having relations with a woman without [giving her] a Kesubah and acquiring her (kiddushin).
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> The source of this commandment is G‑d's statement;) (exalted be He), "There may not be any prostitutes among Jewish girls."
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> This same commandment is repeated, but using a different expression, in G‑d's statement;) (exalted be He), "Do not defile your daughter with premarital relations." The Sifra says, " 'Do not defile your daughter' — this command is directed towards a man who hands over his unmarried daughter for sexual relations without marriage, as well as a girl who herself has sexual relations without marriage."
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> Now listen as I explain why the prohibition is repeated with this wording,;) and what the repetition adds. G‑d (exalted be He) has already instructed us in the Torah that a man who has relations with a virgin incurs none of the punishments,;) regardless of whether he seduced or raped her. Rather, he must pay a monetary fine and marry the girl that he harmed, as explained in the Torah.;)
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> Accordingly, a person might think that since the offender is only required to pay a fine, therefore this is looked upon as a purely financial case. Therefore, just as a person, if he wishes, is allowed to give away his money to another person, or to forgive a debt, so too, [he might think,] he may take his unmarried daughter and give her to a man to have relations with her. This would be like forgiving a debt due to him, since the 50 silver [shekels which the seducer or rapist must pay] go to the father. Alternatively, a person might think that [since this is purely a financial matter,] he may give his daughter on condition that the man pays a certain amount of money.
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> Therefore, the Torah prohibited this and said, "Do not defile your daughter with premarital relations." The monetary fine only refers to a case where the seduction or rape actually occurred. But it is still completely forbidden for them to engage in sexual relations, even when they both agree.
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> The Torah also reveals the reason for this prohibition: ["Do not defile your daughter with premarital relations,] and you will then not make the land sexually immoral, and the land [will not] be filled with perversion." The explanation of this: seduction and rape occur very rarely, but if the Torah allowed premarital relations when both parties agree, it would occur often and become widespread throughout the world.
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> This is a fine and wondrous explanation of this verse, and fits all the sayings of our Sages and laws of the Torah.
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> This prohibition, i.e., the prohibition of [having relations with] an unmarried woman, is punishable by lashes.
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> The details of this mitzvah are explained in Kesubos and Kiddushin.
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> Footnotes
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> 1.
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> Deut. 23:18.
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> 2.
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> Lev. 19:29.
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> 3.
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> Directed to the father, unlike the other verse, which is phrased as a general prohibition.
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> 4.
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> Such as lashes or execution.
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> 5.
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> Ex. 22:15. Deut. 22:28. See P220, P218.